Saturday, April 19, 2008

Childhood and Integration

I am currently on vacation in Lebanon, staying at the apartment in which I grew up as a child. I typically come for a visit once every year or two.

On a visit three or four years ago, I found they had moved the heavy furniture around in my bedroom after painting the walls. And my childhood bed now was located at the opposite side of the room. I had massive difficulties sleeping there.

One night I decided to move the bed as close to the original position as possible (there was a heavy bookcase in the way). When I did so and turned off the lights (I was totally sober, mind you), I started hallucinating thousands of shards of light going everywhere all at once, some of them were stationary as if they represented fixated thought complexes. The hallucinations were so bright, they blocked my vision of the darkened room. Quite scary, actually. I left the bed and came back and they returned once again.

What do these hallucinations mean? In the least, they suggest the special power of a place frequented during childhood.

Any ideas?

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