Sunday, December 14, 2008

Precognition, Synchronicities, and Existential Vorticity

In my previous post, The "Law of Attraction" and Inner Purpose, I discussed my points of view on the "Law of Attraction", a phrase that has becoming quite popular in this day and age. "You get what you focus upon" is the essential gist behind this "Law", which I find to be an over-simplified way to describe how focus affects our lives in an a-causal manner.

In my previous post, I discussed some basic arguments that explain why the "Law of Attraction" in its simple form does not always apply. Readers of this blog should already be familiar with what I call "warping the existential matrix". This is my version of the "Law of Attraction" which takes into account some subtle observations on how the reality we experience is affected by our focus. For a quick introduction, please read Synchronicity Clusters and Warping the Existential Matrix.

As the title of this post suggests, I will try to show how the understanding of warpage can help build precognitive abilities. Before I can dive into such a discussion, however, there are some basic things to consider about the nature of warpage.

Synchronicities occur most often (and warpage is most easily detectable) when the warpage takes on the form of a vortex. When extreme vorticity occurs, it is as if everything in life were synchronistic (which is a state of mind attributed to insanity, although I call it enlightenment).

The amount of focus necessary to experience an extreme vortex is quite intense and rarely occurs except during traumatic or pseudo-traumatic situations. In my case, however, I achieve extreme vorticity from time to time because (1) I like to live life with utmost intensity especially when I have the opportunity to focus upon my evolution, and (2) I have learned how to harness and activate my will to affect the necessary focus which affects resonance in the deeper layers of the psyche.

The Motions of Existential Vorticity

As is similar to vortices found in nature such as black holes, hurricanes, and whirlpools, in addition to a pull towards the point of focus, there can occur a spinning or twirling effect. In existential terms, this translates into experiencing synchronistic events that oscillate between achieving or approaching one's goal and failing or distancing oneself from it.

If the focus is not on a specific goal but on, for example, understanding or exploring a certain subject, the meanings and clues behind the synchronistic events tend to invite varying perspectives surrounding the topic at hand, so that an inner debate is orchestrated until a sense of balance is achieved.

Being aware of this vorticity is not always easy, since life is already typically rich with events influenced by our conscious decisions and other cause-and-effect processes. And due to the spinning motions of vorticity, synchronicities often appear as if they were ordinary, unrelated occurrences even though a vortex has indeed taken shape, and this is because of the seemingly self-contradictory (and apparently "random") order that they follow.

Synchronicities are obviously most apparent when they involve coincidences that are meaningful. When the underlying a-causal order propels one this way and that, as if arbitrarily, we tend to lose sight of this order, and we fail to recognize the serendipity in our lives.

As we mature with respect to the point of focus or as life's events develop far enough in its direction, synchronicities become more blatant and easy to spot. It is as if one reaches the eye of the hurricane, or the apex of a cone where the space to oscillate has been minimized. I have discussed these ideas in different ways in various posts, but the diary entries of my first two posts illustrate this process relatively clearly. I invite you to read Synchronistic Conditioning and an Emerging Portrait of Vitality and The Poetics of Bipolar Oscillation.

Tips on Becoming Aware of Existential Warpage

There are some golden rules that I follow in order to remain aware of the warpage in my existential matrix: (1) Always be on the lookout for synchronicities, (2) try to remain aware of the underlying lessons behind life's events (what aspects of your evolution are currently active), (3) remain aware of the points of focus that run deep, that resonate at a deep level of the psyche (paying attention to dreams helps in this regard), and (4) try to guess to what degree you are mature with respect to the topic(s) at hand (since synchroncities become more obvious the more one matures.)

Warped Matrix by Example

Understanding the nature of warping the existential matrix is most effectively accomplished by example. Since my life is usually quite synchronous with my writing, I have a fresh new story to tell.

This weekend was somewhat unusual for me from the very start. Hardly any of my usual hangouts and routines were working out; the restaurants I liked were all full, so were most of the coffee shops where I go to write, and even when I was able to go where I wanted, something usually went wrong; I sat in an uncomfortable position, the music was too loud, etc. In short, life's events seemed to express the negation of my habitual lifestyle, as if I were approaching the end of a phase.

Earlier today (Sunday), I received a call from my family. Our cat of 13 years had just died. I was deeply moved. Two minutes after the phone call, I was driving down the road and I pulled up beside a congregation of police cars. Then, I noticed a body bag. Next to it was a walker for the elderly crashed on its side. (I don't even remember when was the last time I saw a dead person in a body bag just a few feet away.) On the phone with a friend 10 minutes later, he was telling me of a death in his neighborhood that he learned about yesterday. In the cafe, someone was playing a video of a cat on his laptop...

Why did so many synchronicities occur revolving around the cat's death? Because I was deeply moved by the incident, and my focus did not stop short on a conscious level, but resonated deep within.

Warpage Effects Can Begin Before a Focus-Funneling Event Occurs

What was even more interesting was that the synchronicities began before the cat's death, with my difficulties of following my habitual weekend routines since early Saturday, her death was late Saturday, and I was not told of it till Sunday. From my experiences, I usually associate this type of synchronicity, where all the usual habits suddenly seem forbidden, with the Death Archetype, signaling the end of a phase and the birth of a new one.

So, how is it possible that synchronicities begin occurring before the event which funnels in our focus actually takes place? My best answer to this question is the following: The deeper layers of the psyche exist outside of time as we experience it consciously (as evidenced, for example, by the abilities of our dreams to foreshadow the future). If the focus occurs at a deeper level, then the warp begins taking place before the actual event is experienced.

The Global Consciousness Project and Premature Number Correlation

The following link takes you to an article on how the Random Event Generators behaved during the terrorist attacks on 9/11/2001: September 11 2001: Exploratory and Contextual Analyses. The correlations of the radom numbers started taking place hours before the first plane hit the first tower. We see a similar early effect during Obama's election on Nov. 4th: Barack Obama Elected President.

Voriticity and Precognition

Since warpage of the existential matrix can be detected before a focus-funelling event occurs, it is possible, upon understanding the vortex-like motions expressed in daily living and as one begins to intuit archetypal patterns at play, to predict the event before it occurs. And this is what I did with respect to the Stock Market in Market Turmoil Part II. Published on Oct. 25th, I wrote how a series of synchronistic events led me to believe that an upcoming turning point in the stock market would occur early on in the subsequent week.

As can be seen by the above image from Yahoo! Finance, there was a severe drop on Oct. 27th in the US stock market, followed by a sharp ascent that held steady till around Nov. 4th.

The synchronicities occurred at a time when I was deeply focused upon the turmoil of the economy, causing a vortex-like warp in my existential matrix that mirrored that of the nation and the world at large. By following the news intensely, I effectively activated a similar set of archetypes as that which the events on the news were activating, manifesting an existential vortex whose effects were similar. Thus, my own synchronicities took on meaning that went beyond the personal.

Here is a summary of what occurred to me personally; the text in italics was copied directly from my previous post:

Oct. 23rd:
On Thursday night, I had to take some work home with me. I was logged into work at home trying to figure out a problem that a client had with our software (one of the clients that we've had problems with off and on since the market's turmoil began). As I tried to fix the problem, some weird problems were blocking me from doing my work, as if my computer were jinxed. The rarity of these problems made me think that something synchronistic was going on. I glanced at the news and there it was: a headline showing that the Asian markets had suddenly suffered a severe drop.

Oct. 24th:
The next day, the morning news was that the US markets also dropped. I was planning on taking a blood test that day before work and I ran into great trouble trying to get to the hospital, and it felt like a continuation of last night's drama, that all these events were synchronistically connected to the economy's turmoil and that surely the market was going to crash violently that day. To my surprise, however, the rest of the day went smoothly: 1) I arrived at work perfectly on time, 2) The client was unusually satisfied and quiet the rest of the day, despite outstanding issues which they usually are very fussy about, 3) The market buoyed back up (relatively speaking) by the end of the day.

At some point during the day, I consciously felt as if I were witnessing an archetypal pattern that depicted reversal. When I recognized this, I got an image of entangled ropes that at first fell but then bent sharply upwards.

There are two things of interest here. Firstly, the detection that I was witnessing an archetypal pattern. The best way I can describe the feeling I get when I witness something archetypal is that it's like having a glimpse of pure power, or peeking into a realm of power as if through a peephole. I described my first experience with power in Shifting the Assemblage Point, but I sensed power on a regular basis during my Hurricane Period.

The second point of interest is that this vision surfaced from my subconscious only after I was mentally prepared to receive it, not only because of my own deductions about the synchronistic events of the last 24 hours, but also due to having detected the archetypal pattern at play. It could also be the case that a significant part of the preparation occurs because archetypes have such a profound effect on consciousness, regularizing or purifying one's state of mind with respect to the type of archetype(s) involved.

I commonly have such preparatory experiences before receiving a precognitive vision. During waking hours, the subconscious is usually tucked away beneath many layers of the psyche. Being aware of life's underlying order is akin to attaining a sense of balance and to coming face to face with the moment. In such a state, communication with the deeper levels of the psyche is made available.

The subconscious when accessed during waking hours has much more practical benefit than during sleep, or at least seemingly so. While awake, the subconscious is tuned to whatever in life we are focused upon. This focal vorticity dissipates during sleep, or it transforms into areas that we are less concerned with during our conscious lives.

The Continuation of the Rope Visions

The same vision of entangled ropes I had on Oct. 24th remained alive within me and I was able to call it back to surface for at least two weeks before it finally dissipated, even though I know from experience that such "living" messages from the inner landscape can resurface even after they remain absent for years.

By the middle of the week of Oct. 27th, the entangled ropes had become 3 discernible ropes that were heading upwards. I still do not know for sure what each rope represents, but I guess that one of them is the US stock market, and another is the gold stock that I personally own shares in. By the end of that week I started seeing them head downwards, and I knew that this was not the end of the market turmoil that I thought was possible. An optimistic outlook had proven to be false, which returns us to my vision of the very long steps of stairs going downward.

Notes and Scribbles: Visions of Gold

I had two synchronous events that dealt with gold on Oct. 27th, and both involved seeing pictures of a naked woman in golden color (one was wearing a transparent, golden dress, the other was a picture from the James Bond movie Goldfinger). Again, I detected an archetypal pattern at play; these pictures seemed to denote that the Gold stock had the grace and receptivity of the Feminine principle, and for two weeks I saw my GLD stock go up and down exactly in tune with the rest of the market, as opposed to inversely proportional as I had at first hoped. (I know now GLD is usually inversely proportional to the dollar.)

One night, also early on in that week, I had a vision of someone draped in silk scarves that were of a burgundy color. There was a type of struggle as the head tried to go through a minuscule hole and emerge out the other side (which suggested a black-hole-white-hole transformation). When it did, it was the head of an Indian woman wearing something on her forehead that was shining brilliant gold. I theorize this to mean that when we finally reach the next phase of the economy (after we hit bottom), that GLD will catapult upwards. This is in line with the vision which said: "They will counterfeit the fall."

More Notes and Scribbles: The week of Nov. 3rd

I had been asking for visions that foretold who would win the election and all my dreams, synchronicities, and other such data were entirely blank and hush hush about this topic until a couple nights before the election.

On Nov. 2nd, I had a dream that depicted Obama as president as well as a gay man who was extremely pissed off. The reference to the angry gay man was the winning of Prop 8 in California which banned same sex marriage. While African Americans have gone very far in overcoming racism, homosexuals are still a struggling minority.

As elated as I was that Obama had won, the evening of Nov. 4th still left me with a vague, troubled feeling. My computer at work was again "acting up" in strange ways while I was working from home. I glanced at the news only to read the headlines which said that the Asian markets soared due to Obama's win.

As I went to sleep, however, a strong intuition said the market will plummet. The next morning I read the inverse of last night's headline, which said the the US markets dropped because of Obama's win. The observation came with some archetypal power, which suggested that those who have influence on the market are opposed to Obama's views, and we shall see related conflicts during his presidency.

Saturday, November 15, 2008

The "Law of Attraction" and Inner Purpose

The "Law of Attraction" is a phrase that has become very popular lately especially in the New Age, or "New Thought" scene, and it deserves some attention. I will quote wikipedia's definition here:

...the Law of Attraction says people's thoughts (both conscious and unconscious) dictate the reality of their lives, whether or not they're aware of it. Essentially "if you really want something and truly believe it's possible, you'll get it", but putting a lot of attention and thought onto something you don't want means you'll probably get that too.

There is some truth behind this "law". Experience has led me to believe that we do indeed co-create the reality we experience, at least to a certain degree which varies from one person to another, from one moment to the next. We can influence our lives in ways that go beyond the usual laws of cause and effect (a-causally), and the nature of our influence largely depends on what aspects of life we focus upon.

However, the phrase "Law of Attraction" and the variety of writings I have read on the subject make the mechanics involved behind a-causally influencing our lives sound far too simple.

If you were to google the phrase, you would see quotes such as (my own emphasis added) "Learn the Secret to attracting everything you desire in your life using this Universal Attraction Law" and "If you focus on success you will attract success and repel failure".

I have at least two inter-connected observations that argue why the "Law of Attraction" is not guaranteed to work.

Firstly, the belief that we can attract "anything we desire" through our conscious focus does not take into account having an inner path or an underlying purpose in life, even if that purpose were simply to explore various aspects of human experience.

If the object or goal of our conscious focus contradicts this inner purpose, no matter how much we may believe in its possibility or how much we obsess over it, the goal in question will most likely either not be reached or prove to be a temporary achievement. What's worse is that it could prove deleterious to our path in the long run.

Thus, it is extremely important when practicing the "Law of Attraction" to establish ongoing communication with one's deeper aspects of self and to be aware of one's innermost desires, at least to a certain degree given how difficult this can be to achieve. Ideally, our innermost desires should be the fountainhead of our will and focus.

Secondly, it is from within the deeper layers of consciousness that we can affect reality a-causally. This is a downright magical phenomenon, although it may indeed work in certain circumstances with great ease, or apparently so. If one's deeper self does not resonate with one's conscious focus, and one is effectively derailed from the inner path in the pursuit of superficial goals, then conscious focus has little power beyond the usual ways that cause-and-effect laws operate.

(Naturally, conscious focus alone has great potential to change our lives and should not be underestimated. The "Law of Attraction" can be demonstrated as a mechanistic, causal phenomenon just fine. But, when the conscious focus does not resonate with that of the deeper self, it has little abilities to influence our reality in a-causal ways.)

I believe that the clearest indication that we are indeed affecting our reality in an a-causal manner lies in the awareness of synchronicities, specifically those meaningful coincidences that relate to the object(s) of our focus. And a penetrating scrutiny into the synchronous elements of our lives can illuminate what our deeper self is focused upon, which can almost be entirely out of sync with our conscious focus although synchronicities occur nevertheless.

A Real Life Example

The following story of mine illustrates what could occur when one consciously focuses on a goal that contradicts one's inner purpose. It is interesting to note that the related synchronicities were striking and they surfaced as messages that were in direct contradiction to my conscious intentions. The synchronicities did not occur while setting out to achieve my goals, but came as a slap-in-the-face wake up call once they started failing.

As should be quite obvious from surfing my websites, I busy myself with many creative projects. I simply have a ton of things to say, in varying modes of expression. Shortly after graduating from college and embarking on my professional career as a computer scientist, I became convinced that it was not my purpose to be spending 8 hours a day enslaved to work, the result of which only makes my rich boss become even richer. I was sure that there had to be a way to make money on my own so that I could free up my time and work on my creative projects full time. I was convinced that it was my purpose to find this way of making money.

What fell upon my lap at the end of the year 2000 was an idea for a website which once implemented would potentially generate all the income I needed in a relatively automated fashion, thus freeing up my time for my creative work. Even though I felt no inner drive that resonated with my goal, I dove into the website's implementation head first, working part-time at a regular job just to keep me afloat. My focus on my goal was absolute and I truly believed it would work because it was the only destiny which made sense to me.

Eventually, the website did provide 100% of my income and I was able to quit my job entirely. But, one evening, a few months later, I suddenly witnessed my website's traffic drop by 50%. This "horrifying event" was extremely synchronistic because it coincided with the beginning of a period of struggle for a number of my closest friends, one of whom had been informed by her doctor on the very same day that she was terminally ill with cancer and she had little chance of remaining alive for much longer than a year.

Around that time, I was told that Jesus Christ had lived till the age of exactly 33 and a 1/3rd. Not knowing or caring whether this were indeed part of the official story, I became intrigued to see what would happen on my own 33 and 1/3rd birthday which was coming up soon.

Over the next few months, my website's traffic kept on diminishing, I lost all my savings, and I finally gave up and asked for my old job back.

Without intending it, I was scheduled to start again full time on the day before my 33 and 1/3rd birthday. As I was heading towards the office that day, my visions told me that I was to find something quite amusing when I arrived at work. When I got there, I found out that they were off on holiday that day. Thus, my official starting date was indeed on my 33 and a 1/3rd birthday.

The symbolism was quite striking. I gradually understood that rather than living a life of luxury in my freedom and solitary creative efforts, my inner purpose was to live life as the majority lived it, spending the bulk of my time and energy at work. This was my sacrifice; my hope lost, I died pyschologically, just as Christ was killed on the cross on his 33 and 1/3rd as a sacrifice to humanity.

Also synchronistically, my cancer-battling friend's date of birth was 4 months (1/3rd) before that of her boyfriend. (Not sure if anything special happened on exactly her 33 and a 1/3rd.) Her relationship had proved to be a failure, despite her complete focus upon it and the illusion that it would some day work out. Sadly, she passed away around the time I shut down my website for good.

What we had in common was disillusionment. And despite our belief and focus, the "Law of Attraction" did not materialize our goals. We were led to experience the tragedy of disappointment instead.

My upcoming posts will compare the "Law of Attraction" with my own ideas of "warping the existential matrix", what I call "existential vorticity", and how attraction should be understood in terms of desire/proclivity/focus in relation to archetypes and/or archetypal patterns.

Saturday, October 25, 2008

Market Turmoil Part II

I've been working on a large essay that will most likely be split into 3 or 4 posts, and I was very excited to dive into it this weekend. But, as soon as I began recuperating from the work week and gaining some foothold on my intuition, I was dismayed to find that instead of receiving ideas about my essay, thoughts about the market once again flooded into my head with the clear intuitive urge to publish them.

Ouch! I'm really not in the blogging business to make a fool of myself talking about my visions of the future online. So, this time, unlike a couple of Mondays ago when I wrote Market Turmoil: Synchronicities, Visions, and Dreams on the Economy, I stubbornly shut these surfacing ideas out in order to focus on my essay, but I slipped into a completely blank state of mind as a result.

After an hour of lounging around my house, waiting for some clarity of mind and focus to build up in me, I finally gave up and started browsing the web. I ended up on David Wilcock's website (which is quite common: and lo and behold, his most recent blog was also about the current market turmoil and what he said mirrored the ideas that had just been flooding my own head.

Ok, that does it, so here goes: In my previous post, I had interpreted my visions to say that there would be a steep fall after that Monday, Oct. 13th. In order to peer into the future, or to gain a better understanding of the present, I use what I call "holographic vision" in order to detect similarities between two disparate events that hint at an archetypal pattern that is currently at play.

In that specific case, it was the changing volume of the piece of music I had been working on and the market's fluctuations. There was a definite similarity between a sudden exaggerated peak in volume with the market's spike that Monday (which I saw materialize after I had my visions) and since my song's volume suddenly dropped, I felt that the same drop would occur in the market. This was a stumble; holographic vision requires very sensitive detection of when two disparate events coincide and stop coinciding.

In any case, as if in response to my faulty interpretations, the next dream I had about the market showed a long, gradual decline. It showed me riding down a smooth decline with my own GLD stock investment (this came on Friday of that week right after the final GLD peak); while the rest of the market went down in steps, which more closely mirrored the volatile, up-and-down movement of the market in general.

The dream with the descending steps showed a very, very long descent, which gave me the conviction that we're really in for a long fall.

At the end of this week, however, something bizarre occurred that changed my opinion.

On Thursday night, I had to take some work home with me. I was logged into work at home trying to figure out a problem that a client had with our software (one of the clients that we've had problems with off and on since the market's turmoil began). As I tried to fix the problem, some weird problems were blocking me from doing my work, as if my computer were jinxed. The rarity of these problems made me think that something synchronistic was going on. I glanced at the news and there it was: a headline showing that the Asian markets had suddenly suffered a severe drop. Not good.

The next day, the morning news was that the US markets also dropped. I had planned to go do a blood test at my health clinic that morning before work. The bus arrived 30 seconds before I got to the bus stop, having trusted the projected arrival time posted on the bus system's website that I was actually several minutes ahead of schedule. I decided to drive to the clinic instead. I ended up looking for parking for half an hour, gave up, and then parked my car closer to work and rushed to get there on time.

I felt that all these events were synchronistically connected to the economy's turmoil and that surely the market was going to crash violently that day. But, on the contrary, 1) I arrived at work perfectly on time, 2) The client was unusually satisfied and quiet the rest of the day, despite outstanding issues which they usually are very fussy about, 3) The market buoyed back up (relatively speaking) by the end of the day.

At some point during the day, I consciously felt as if I were witnessing an archetypal pattern that depicted reversal. When I recognized this, I got an image of entangled ropes that at first fell but then bent sharply upwards. Till now, this intuition/vision stands its ground in my inner landscape.

In any case, these were the thoughts I had the intuition to write down, when I stumbled upon Wilcock's article. The title: "Is October 26th the Bottom of the Markets?" The article was dated "Friday 10 / 24 / 08", yesterday. He then lists various indications that the market will start lifting soon.

What is strange, however, is how he talks about his "Still" vision, and the dream he had afterward of turning off a rogue computer. He proceeds to talk about the articles he read that said that " programs were ready to be used to stop trading on the markets in the event of a panic sell-off." This could be what my visions were talking about (in the last post) when they mentioned an upcoming "blank market" period...If our visions will come to be, then we should see a massive fall that triggers the computer shutdowns early next week, followed by immediate post-bottom recovery, as was depicted in my first cartoon-like vision.


The markets will continue to fall or behave erratically and my visions and Wilcock's visions simply coincided through sheer synchronicity, mind field sensitivity, or our visions chose to follow a positively oriented probable path which won't turn out materializing in the end. Whatever the case may be, something strange is going on.

Monday, October 13, 2008

Market Turmoil: Synchronicities, Visions, and Dreams on the Economy

What I present here are just some notes and scribbles concerning the dreams, visions, and synchronicities I've had lately that are somehow related to the recent turmoil in the economy. The purpose is not to try to provide some form of clairvoyant projection of the market, but to help illuminate the nature of prophecy in general if indeed the predictions in my dreams, visions, and my interpretations of them as written here come true. I have made predictions in the past that have come true, but for each hit, there's around a hundred misses. So, more than likely what is presented here will never come to pass but, for some unknown reason, I have an inner drive to publish this material and so here it is.

When I was in Paris this last April, visiting with family and friends, one of our conversations centered around the downfall of the company Bear Stearns. One of our friends worked at a French bank and he related to us how, in the last few days before the company went under, he and his workmates were told not to honor any requests from that company to borrow money.

I remember feeling deeply moved by his story so that I felt there was an archetypal pattern taking place that went beyond this relatively small circumstance. It is difficult to describe the feeling, but I felt beholding this archetype was pulling me into the future.

That evening, I had trouble sleeping, partly because of my jet lag, and partly due to a recurring vision that told me of an upcoming downfall in the U.S. economy that would basically collapse the market down dramatically. The visions kept recurring, and when I did get some shut-eye, my dreams echoed my visions entirely.

These visions may seem to be prophetic now, except they also told me to move a big chunk of my savings from Dollars to Euros, and that I had to do so immediately.

The Euro has since gone down, and had I opened an account at the time I was in Paris I would have lost quite a bit of money since the Euro was so strong at the time. The big hit on the U.S. economy did come to pass, however, or is still in the midst of materializing. But, it hit the entire world (as is logical). So, was there indeed any validity behind these visions that kept me awake that night?

According to the Ra Material, and various other spiritual circles, such channeled messages (if they were indeed channeled and not a product of the subconscious or the imagination) typically come from mixed sources; some sources are benevolent, some have negative intentions. Messages that begin accurate and informative can be hijacked by a source with bad intentions along the way that either predicts a doom-like scenario or provides a false prophecy to make one stumble. The proper way to channel is to ask the source a question that proves to you the purity of the source's intention.

I personally have very little channeling abilities so that even sustaining a specific contact is difficult. And thus, I am usually very skeptical of any future predictions that surface from within me, but I find them fascinating nonetheless because they do come true from time to time.

Having lost faith in the visions I had in Paris, I became confused when the stock market actually did fall recently. One morning while I was in an especially visionary state, I asked for visions concerning the future of the market. I got a very cartoon-like scene that I watched like a movie while I closed my eyes. Note that when I do receive a vision from a positive source that is illustrating a grave situation, it usually comes in a form that lightens the situation up so that it appears less serious and negative than one's typical reaction. Thus, a cartoon-like scenario was appropriate. Similarly, a vision from a positive source would report an upcoming difficult period as one of "growth and learning" rather than a period of "pain and darkness".

My cartoon-like vision began with a scene of a large, unmoving slab of rock that was being held up by several tall rocks. I later interpreted the slab of rock to depict the economy and the supporting rocks as the big 700 billion dollar bailout. I then saw the slab of rock fall down to the ground with a crash, meaning the bailout did not help, but upon hitting the floor, or ground zero, it immediately began to move on its own. Eventually, the rock started picking up speed and going uphill at a steady climb. The rock continued traveling uphill in a very stable manner, passing through forests and various types of vegetation until the vision finally ended.

If I were to take this vision seriously, I would expect that the market has yet to reach bottom, or from a positive standpoint, has yet to reach a level where it is grounded and sober so that it can start moving on its own without the overly volatile characteristics of loan-based securities trading. Now, do I feel confident enough to actually trade stocks on this expectation (such as purchase more gold and so on)? No, I do not. It is the psychological and archetypal observations which I find fascinating to watch as I scrutinize my predictions. If a vision were to come true, then the entirety of the vision would be used to collect clues that would illuminate one's current predicament.

This morning, I had more inner-scape data that suggested more economic downfall was on its way.

These last few months have been very busy with social activities and a heavy workload at my job. I have not been able to truly center myself enough that I have confidence in how I should proceed with my creative projects, a part of which is this blog. This weekend was my first three days off that I've had to myself for over three months, and so by this Monday morning, my subconscious and its function as a channel had finally become much more prominent and active.

While wading between sleep and wakefulness, my ears would ring, alternating back and forth between my left and right ear. For those familiar with the Ra Material, an important, if not paramount, aspect of the spiritual path is one's proclivity along the positive/negative polarity. Positive meaning service-to-others, negative meaning service-to-self. Polarizing in either direction comes with its own powerful charge, and I've learned to hone in on this charge in the positive direction to help me with my creative work.

One of the ways in which the subconscious or inner self can communicate one's position with respect to the positive/negative polarity is through the ringing of the ears, the right ear ringing means positive, the left ear negative. In most people, this could be random and simply a result of the health condition named tinnitus. In my case, I have deliberately asked my inner self to provide this ringing to help me measure my polarity, and the ringing comes about usually while lying in bed in contemplation/meditation, or when I'm about to do something unethical (left ear) or altruistic (right ear).

This morning, as is usually not the case, the ringing was predominately in my left ear, and I started getting concerned that these last three months of distractions have really derailed me off my path. I asked inwardly for help and a sense of direction.

When I fell back to sleep, I dreamed that I was reading the Ra Material and I reached a very important passage that told me I had to assume the stance of a hawk. I directly woke up and the internal push to visualize myself as a hawk seemed to persist. I instantly interpreted this to mean that I had to utilize my visionary powers to see into the future.

I then saw a cartoon image of half Tweetie the bird, half hawk and a muffled word was trying to surface: "rasdaq", "fandsak", "Nasdaq"! Then, the words "they will counterfeit the fall" (not sure what that means).

My attention wavered as I lay in bed, but whenever I thought of anything else than trying to see into the future of the stock market, the ringing in my ears would turn to the left ear. It would only ring in my right ear when I tried to see into the future. Nevertheless, nothing seemed to be working.

I seemed to get visions that encouraged me to visualize myself way up in the sky, so that I had a hawk's eye view of what's being going on in my life. I allowed my thoughts to waver while retaining some focus upon the future and my attention landed upon the song I had been working on the previous night (see below).

There was a section I was very meticulously working on for hours on end; it involved the beginning, introductory part of the song right before it was about to take off. The subsequent bulk of that song was very steady and unchanging, if not somewhat monotonous, and the initial opening was to be orchestrated just right so that the consciousness of the listener was prepared to appreciate the trance-like repetitiveness.

Then, in my half-dreamy state, it suddenly hit me that what I was really trying to do through my music was to meticulously mimic or reflect the specific archetypal pattern most closely expressed through that particular piece. It was my intuitive awareness of the archetypal pattern I was trying to reflect which allowed me to measure whether or not the introductory part of the song was appropriately orchestrated or not, whether it was finished or needed more work. And this particular pattern had to do with the setting up or preparation of a subsequent period of repetitious and steady rhythm and melody.

Suddenly switching back to the hawk's perspective, which can perhaps be more accurately described as a holographic perspective, I realized that the steady, monotonous section in my music actually corresponded to the steady climb of the slab of rock in my cartoon vision I had the other day, which depicted a very stable future elevating at a constant angle.

The intro section of my music, according to my hawk / half-awake / visionary perspective, was following the same archetypal pattern as the current phase in the stock market as it is going through its volatile period of adjustment. Composing the appropriate intro in my song, then, also functions as the short-term prediction of the current state of financial turmoil.

Now, you must be thinking: "Makram, have you gone nuts?!?" These kinds of ideas are hard to stomach, I know, but I truly believe that some pieces of music do indeed reflect archetypal patterns, and hence their power. Whether connecting the two particular patterns, stock market and my song, is indeed plausible is another question. The ability to see this demands a holographic perspective, with the ability to see all events as One, but also as different perspectives of the One. In fact, most of my predictions which have turned out true involved connecting the dots in this way, usually using my fiction or music.

In any case, my initial intro was one which led right up to the beginning of the repetitious section, flowing straight into it. But then, I realized this would not work, and there is now going to be, nay there has to be, a gap of silence before the beat starts. Which means, by the same logic, that there will very soon be a "blank market" period. What this means is open to interpretation; it may mean another hard crash, or simply things will be at a standstill as investors wait to see the market's reaction to the latest government efforts. Or, the absence denotes the government taking over the banks.

One rather haunting aspect of my story, is that the visions this morning specifically highlighted the final section of the intro, which had a sudden exaggerated peak in volume right before the abrupt drop into nearly a full second of silence. Similarly, the Dow shot up 11 percent today, "the biggest one-day rally since 1933", as was written in the article whose headline began with the words "Manic Monday". Indeed, this behavior is clearly a sign of a bipolar swing.

Another curious tidbit is that after I fell back to sleep I had an extremely violent nightmare of a father who was swinging his baby around in such a manner as to smash it against a window. Each time it crashed, the blood seemed more and more voluminous, its cries more haunting and disturbing. Whether the dream was influenced by an external negative source or not, it clearly denoted my own bipolar swing, a natural adherence to the laws of balance, and thus almost validating the positive nature of my earlier visions.

Well, I'll stop rambling now; this post is starting to get annoying to write. Here's the song I've been writing about, probably worth all these ideas put together times ten. Enjoy!

Sunday, September 21, 2008

1 Year Anniversary Recap - Part II

1 Year Anniversary Recap - Part I ended with a discussion of the EGG Project (also called the Global Consciousness Project) which I wrote about in detail in Synchronicity Clusters and Warping the Existential Matrix. The numerical data recorded by the random event generators can be visually represented as a bunch of dots in a given space. The ongoing experiment demonstrates that the dots are normally distributed uniformly, which is to be expected from random data, but that statistically improbable clusters (or correlations) form when world-wide events occur which cause a large percentage of the world's population to share focus, emotions, and intention. This finding suggests that global consciousness has an effect on reality beyond what is commonly known or accepted.

If one were to visualize the actual events in our personal (or collective) lives in a similar fashion, as dots in a given space, then we have what can be called the "existential matrix". These events, or existential dots, are not necessarily random for they are the products of our conscious decisions, habits, social norms, the physical laws of our universe, etc. But, if we remove all these factors which influence what we experience, there is typically very little evidence that an underlying order exists which gives our lives a deeper meaning or a higher level purpose. The events in our lives might just as well be considered random and uniformly distributed across an existential matrix.

When synchronicities occur, however, we have sudden insight into an underlying order, an order that may seem to possess a philosophical or metaphysical intelligence. A group of events, or existential dots, which in logical terms are entirely disconnected suddenly function synchronously as a group; the coincidence is so meaningful that it cannot be ignored. This is an unprecedented warp in the existential matrix. And when we experience this, we are naturally inclined to ask the question: When, how, and why do synchronicities occur?

One can ideate that one of the essential reasons behind the occurrence of synchronicities is the focus of our attention, just as focus is evidently one of the possible reasons behind the skewing of the random numbers in the EGG Project. On the other hand, one could argue that if this were true, then we should be experiencing synchronicities in a very predictable manner; whenever we focus upon something, a meaningful coincidence should occur. This is not commonly the case, however, or at least not obviously so. Indeed, the frequency and nature of synchronicities is very difficult to pinpoint, very hard to predict.

A couple weeks ago, while I was working on this post, I wrote that synchronicities occur most frequently for me when I am focused upon some aspect of my evolution, or when the current events in my life are crucial to my development. In contrast, my job, for instance, makes me focus on very mundane aspects of reality throughout the day, and it is very rare that a synchronicity occurs related to work. Thus, I thought that it was only the focus upon evolutionary matters which results in synchronicities.

Since writing down these ideas, however, life has proven me wrong. (That life would show me evidence to the contrary was itself a synchronistic event, and this happens quite often whenever I am about to publish ideas online that still require balancing.) There was a problem at work that was very difficult to solve and it funneled in my attention to the maximum degree so that even my dreams became involved. As a result of this intense amount of focus, I experienced a number of synchronicities, the most blatant of which had to do with how closely the events seemed to coincide with the stock market crash and Lehman Brothers going under; our dealings with the client who experienced the problem seemed to closely mirror the news of the market after-effects over the days. [09/28/08: The troubles at work persisted this week until Thursday. Only five minutes after reading the first news headline on the internet that spoke positively about the market's situation, our client called and we were able to overcome the technical difficulty with our software that he'd been experiencing.]

I still believe it's true that I experience much less synchronicities while I am at work but I believe this to be because the degree of focus is limited; generally I am only paying attention with my intellect and not with my entire being, unlike when I am involved in aspects of my evolution that interest me on a profound level. Thus, to achieve the level of focus that actually warps the existential matrix, one must involve more than just intellectual focus, but the emotions and the deeper levels of self as well. The various aspects of self must be in congruence and regularized to point in a single direction. In other words, a black hole in consciousness must be materialized.

Even when our entire attention is indeed funneled into one focus, however, the synchronicities are not always blatant because we may not recognize the underlying order behind life's events. This is especially the case when we are not familiar or mature with the subject at hand, not only because the underlying order makes little sense but also because our initial endeavor to understand the subject invites the exploration of widely varying perspectives. My first post, Synchronistic Conditioning and an Emerging Portrait of Vitality, illuminates the yin and yang oscillations which occur in dreams/syncrhonicities/ideas as a result of focusing upon an aspect of life about which we have little understanding, and little sense of equilibrium or balance. The synchronistic data, so to speak, seemingly illuminate opposing or antagonistic proclivities; the messages behind dreams and the "signs" behind the syncrhonicities seem contradictory. Only as we progress do the dreams and synchronicities become more obvious and orderly; life begins to shed its sense of randomness and arbitrariness.

As I've written already, one pictorial representation of our progress is the paisley pattern because it begins wide at the bottom and narrows towards the top. The essential form of the paisley pattern is really a triangle (or pyramid or cone), whose apex is located just before the twirl begins at the top. (I have preferred referring to the paisley pattern over a simple triangle because after an enlightened degree of balance is achieved at the apex, movement in the twirling section, which can be described as a recursive refinement, is no longer random but seems to adhere to strict archetypal patterns, or a form of cosmic thinking.)

The triangle is a common symbol which depicts the sacred concept of Trinity; it can also depict the reconciliation of opposites, or the coincidence of opposites (Coincidentia Oppositorium), a concept which is generally regarded as an essential aspect of many religious and mystical traditions. Similarly, the space-time fabric surrounding a black hole is cone-shaped, which is a 3-D version of a triangle. Whether we are speaking of a Coincidentia Oppositorium or a black hole, the triangle implies the coming together at the apex of two (or in the case of a black hole, any number of) separate components at the base. In mysticism, this is the convergence/collapse/synthesis of a duality into unity. In astrophysics, the black hole is an inescapable gravity well which pulls all objects into a point of singularity. My argument is that both the black hole phenomenon and the unification-based evolutionary process are derivatives of the same archetypal pattern and one discipline, namely science, can illuminate the other, namely mysticism, and vice versa.

When mystics speak of their feelings of at-one-ment with the world, it is this unification at the apex of the triangle which they are experiencing. Polarities are compacted and all is seen and felt as one. When mystics speak of unconditional love and compassion, they are referring to the necessary reconciliation of opposites that occurs archetypaly during enlightenment, which when translated into social/cultural/personal relations is that which brings all together in peace, harmony and love, unconditionally. When mystics speak of the importance of selflessness, they speak of the inability to reconcile the opposites due to the ego, which accepts this or that, not this and that.

In black hole terms, an object is ripped apart as it reaches the center of a black hole. And so the ego is the psychological equivalent of mass which blocks one's entry into the apex. In The Dimunitive Staircase, I wrote about a dream which a friend of mine had that illuminated in simple terms the inability of the ego to approach the apex of a Coincidentia Oppositorium. It simply depicted him going up a spiraling staircase which ended up wedged between two walls so that, due to the size of his body, it was impossible for him to proceed. He had this dream before I discussed with him any of these ideas which highlights the archetypal nature of this phenomenon.

In my past, long before thinking of black holes and their parallel concepts in psychology/spirituality, it was quite common for me, especially while seeking inspiration or simply a higher state of mind, to go through rather painful states of mind in which I felt myself being squeezed down to the size of a pea, psychologically speaking, best described as a form of regression back to childhood. After this process of diminution I would often feel myself slipping through some kind of tiny portal and suddenly find myself in a higher state of mind.

Conversely, many people have experienced firsthand the often devastating drop in spirits after temporarily soaring during a higher state of mind. In fact, I experienced this yesterday. While I was in a very inspired, selfless state, I had a phone conversation with someone which manifested a little anger within me. All of a sudden a high pitched anxiety flooded my system which left me breathless, an anxiety whose intensity I rarely experience while in a mundane state.

Anger itself is an inchoate, entropy-inducing form of energy (in contrast to how unconditional love can generate a higher order) and the tiniest focus upon this energy could swiftly secure a collapse from the heights. But, the experience can also be interpreted as my having quickly oscillated from a state of selflessness to that which was ego-driven due to the feeling of being threatened by the phone conversation to lose my higher state of mind. In black hole terms, it would be the equivalent of changing from a wave of light, selfless/massless, that is near the center of the black hole which suddenly manifests mass/ego and thus gets ripped apart.

I began hallucinating the "X" several years after first having the diminution experiences, the "X" being two triangles on top of each other. The middle of the "X" depicted a passageway that would lead from the bottom triangle up to a higher state of mind. The "X" also represents the space-time warpage of a black hole leading to a white hole.

If we accept as true that focusing with a high degree of intensity on an aspect of our lives materializes a trinity-like evolutionary path that resembles the attributes of a black hole, then there are two arguments which are implied:

1) Intense focus upon any aspect of life will automatically drive one towards a collapse of the duality or set of dualities involved. This is not to say that to follow through with this reconciliation into unity is inevitable with sustained focus, for it is typical that the ego or an arbitrary bias that has fixated will block the path towards this coincidence of opposites. But, in general, this spells out that all evolutionary paths ultimately lead to unity.

2) Intense focus on any aspect of life can lead to enlightenment, or at least a state of mind which transcends the mundane. This, I believe, is already a claim that many mystics make for enlightenment can occur under any circumstance. This would also suggest that all black holes lead to white holes. (Note that the existence white holes on the other side of black holes have not been proven, though I have read that they are "mathematically possible" according to some scientists.)

It is interesting to note that writing this very blog began, over the months, to develop the tension of opposites trying to converge when I started to introduce fiction into my writing style. The philosophical style of writing, which attempts to maximize clarity and illumination, is in direct contrast to my usual fiction style, which is naturally imbued in enigma and ambiguity.

I began writing fiction when I started writing the post about Kafka, Kafka, Enigma, and Mysticism. The difficulties of describing Kafka philosophically effectively gave birth (or rebirth) to the fiction writer that had been lying dormant within me since this blog was launched. Logic Dies, I am Sorry was a story written as a result of my failed philosophical writing efforts. The story tells of a "sphere of noise" that was rapidly approaching the main character, a lecturer, in order to consume him and silence his speech.

As the months passed, I kept oscillating between both styles of writing, which was an intriguing way to write and relatively easy to do while I was in an inspired state of mind, since this duality was relatively compact. But, it became increasingly difficult as my social/family/work life began to consume more and more of my free time. My inspired states became less accessible and during my more mundane states, I am naturally more ego-driven. As various aspects of my ego, the poet (fiction writer) and the philosopher are completely at odds with each other.

The poet wields the scepter of numinosity. With the ability to potentiate an uprooting of one's ordinary perception of reality in a relatively direct fashion, the poet as an ego feels superior to the philosopher who although can inspire and energize through ideas lacks the ability to affect a significant shift in consciousness in the same direct fashion. The philosopher, on the other hand, engrossed in the pursuit of truth and clarity, scoffs at the chimerical qualities of the poet's expression. The two, in short, as egos are incongruent while in the midst of their actions.

Had the duality remained comfortably compact, the resulting style of writing is what I would call "holographic literature", where each idea is presented more than once, each time from a different perspective and a different writing style. This is still my aim for this blog, but I've realized how difficult it is to do unless life affords me more frequent access to the heights, as in the past.

As is apparent with the frequency of my posts in the recent past, my writing productivity towards the end was grinding down to a halt, curiously like one would enter a state of timelessness as one approached a black hole. The final story was The Freedom of Wings and the Invisible Tides, the main character: The Ever Receding Man.

Coming up soon: Three essays in the works, as well as a short story about a shape-shifter, an upper-X character.

Wednesday, August 27, 2008

1 Year Anniversary Recap - Part I

Today marks the one year anniversary of this blog.

Without my conscious intention, the first post was published on the same eve of the lunar eclipse of last year (which actually took place August 28th in the early morning to be exact.) Such a "coincidence" was actually quite symbolic and here's why: I come from a background of art, fiction, and music. My inherent nature is attracted to beauty, mystery, obscurity, and the poetics of life, all of which are qualities generally attributed to the moon. This blog, in contrast, began with the sole purpose of communicating in a straight-forward, intellect-driven fashion the philosophical ideas I have accumulated throughout my life as well as stories from my past. My desire was to write with detailed accuracy, clarifying and illuminating as much as possible, and such an intention effectively eclipses the moon. The poet in me was laid aside and put to sleep.

As months passed, I began to incorporate fiction or tidbits of poetic prose to illuminate the same ideas at first discussed philosophically, except now from the artistic side. The moon and the sun began to complement each other, to function in synthesis.

This eventual synthesis, or reconciliation, (there is no adequate word for it in my opinion) of two opposing sides of a polarity, in this case the sun and the moon, or the Apollonian vs. the Dionysian, was actually one of the central themes that was introduced in the first blog post, a leitmotif which remained a prominent source of inquiry up till today.

As soon as I started writing Synchronistic Conditioning and an Emerging Portrait of Vitality, I began receiving dreams, visions, and synchronicities centered around how to achieve a healthy relationship between the masculine and feminine sides of my own character (or the conscious self and the anima). The initial vision showed that both extremes of the masculine/feminine polarity should be accentuated. It took me many months to understand what this meant, what was involved, and how it was possible.

The early posts were in diary format because I wanted to show how the events in life come alive and visibly start showing evidence of an underlying, synchronous order when one focuses upon one's evolution with intensity and rigor (although this form of "interactive evolution", so to speak, between one's conscious focus and life's events is also a affected by other factors such as intuitive living and wanting to share wisdom with others).

Central to my early writing was my introduction of the term "synchronistic conditioning", which is a type of inner, psychological conditioning that occurs behind the scenes and serves to help one become consciously aware of synchronistic events in one's daily life. And this can be interpreted as a method of communication between the inner or deeper portions of self and the conscious self.

In The Poetics of Bipolar Oscillation I compare the process of evolving in any specific area in life to one's traversal up a paisley pattern. When one first begins to explore a certain subject, one tends to oscillate widely between one perspective and its opposite with little or no sense of balance; this is, of course, the case only if the ego doesn't instantly attach itself arbitrarily to one perspective. This beggining period can be described as starting one's journey from the lower portion of the paisley pattern which is relatively wide and affords room to maneuver. More importantly, the related synchronicities and dream/vision content also have the quality of randomness or confusion in the beginning which I showed in the diary entries of my first two posts with respect to exploring the meaning behind my masculine/feminine vision, a topic of which I had little understanding at the time.

As one progresses and matures in relation to the subject at hand, one symbolically travels up into the narrower portions of the paisley pattern, which, due to developing bias and acquiring a balanced perspective, affords one less movement and oscillation. Indeed, synchronicities become more orderly and more frequent (if the topic remains a point of focus); dreams are more in line with conscious thought as opposed to playing the role of devil's advocate. What I am implying here is that life becomes less random the farther one evolves.

This process which begins with a high degree of oscillation and then settles to a static calm was one which I experienced first hand and in an accelerated fashion during a three-week period many years ago that I call the Hurricane Period. My focus on my evolution was very intense at the time and every new subject which interested me automatically threw me into a spin of ideas, perspectives, feelings, and experiences. This was the initial reaction to a new topic, which typically developed into a balanced maturity over a short amount of time, having gone through the necessary oscillations.

In L I F E and Extreme Astronautics, I wrote about a vision I had a few years after the Hurricane Period while I was in a very high state of mind. I was experiencing much synchronistic conditioning and I utilized Hurricane Thinking (which can be described as very fast oscillation between perspectives on a single idea) in a selfless and calm manner. The result was the rapid absorption of insight after insight after insight. My visions, which were very strong at the time, showed me going through a circular tubing, or a torus, which I later theorized to be the psychological equivalent of the space-time warpage experienced as a result of traveling near the speed of light. (The torus is the shape of the space-time fabric about the electrons circling around an atom's nucleus at high velocities.)

I began to explore the theory that there were indeed parallels between certain extreme psychological processes and the nature of space-time warpage caused by large bodies of mass or fast velocities. This led me to write Black Holes and the Art of Transformation, in which I described my findings especially with respect to psychological transformation.

If one accepts the idea that the center of a black hole leads to a white hole, as some scientists theorize, then the resulting space-time warpage can be represented by the symbol of the "X". For many years, I have hallucinated an "X" quite commonly when I closed my eyes, and it was not entirely clear why until I began writing this article. The dream/vision content that accompanied this recurring hallucination showed the process of traversing up through the middle of the "X", from the bottom portion to the top, as the process of attaining enlightenment or higher states of mind.

The "X" symbol possesses additional meaning with respect to polarity. The two bottom lines of the "X" coming together in the middle denotes the convergence or synthesis of a polarity, which was what I was encouraged to do by the vision in my first post of manifesting both the masculine and feminine sides of my own personality simultaneously, that is to say, to heighten the electrical charge or power of both sides at once.

In Shifting the Assemblage Point, I discuss how the astral projection experiences I had in college gradually transformed over the years into my ability to shift the assemblage point, which can be described as a fully conscious astral projection. The act of shifting the assemblage point demands both extreme feminine and masculine qualities in order for the shift to occur and I explain why in that article.

After I began searching for parallels between black hole phenomena and everyday life I stumbled upon some startling ideas with respect to synchronicities, which I detailed in Synchronicity Clusters and Warping the Existential Matrix. As is evidenced by the "The EGG Project", when large populations of people all share the same sudden focus, there is a synchronistic effect that takes place which surfaces in random number generators set up to measure such skewing of the outputed numbers. In other words, while a uniform distribution of numbers is expected from a random event generator, a clustering of the numbers results during world-wide events. My interpretation of the results of this ongoing experiment is that this focus shared by many people develops a point of singularity, to use black hole terminology, and this warps what I call the "Existential Matrix". Similarly, when one focuses upon an aspect of one's evolution with intensity and rigor, the existential matrix is warped so that coincidences occur that are meaningful with respect to the subject at hand.

To be continued...

Saturday, July 26, 2008

The Freedom of Wings and the Invisible Tides

After bidding his final farewell to all his friends and family, the Ever-Receding Man withdrew to a spot by the sea. There, he built a home out of jagged rock and put together a sparse set of furniture out of wood. He planted trees for all the fruits and vegetables he would need to sustain him; the trickling spring nearby promised to be an endless source of water for him and his plants to drink. And once the practical and mundane aspects of life were taken care of and he was comfortably settled in, he began to gradually turn blind.

On the day that marked the very end of his eyesight - it had finally reached the point that not even the slightest blur of light could be discerned during the highest noon - he planted an acorn seed directly in front of the main entrance to his house, as he had long since planned to do on this momentous occasion.

Now that he was no longer aware of the coming of day or of night, Time seemed practically disabled save for the rhythmic sound of the waves of the sea crashing onto the shore. The acorn seed eventually grew into a magnificent oak that dwarfed the rest of its surroundings. Although he could not see it, somewhere in his perpetual nighttime he was aware of every inch of growth that the tree enjoyed. He could almost feel the water rising up its trunk to nurture its many leaves.

The modest home he had constructed while his eyes still possessed their vision had a design which he intuited one day while watching a skylark soar up into the sky. It consisted of many small rooms, all roofless save for the bedroom which stood in the center. The walls extended straight outwards, North and South, and then curved around the house to serve as the surrounding fence, the main entrance faced West.

Protruding from one corner of the fence was a statue that he had meticulously sculpted out of the same jagged rock that made up the walls. It was of a man with wings holding a staff of golden brass whose upper tip was in the shape of a large circle, roughly one foot wide. He had found this staff in a yard sale while in his early teens, held on to it and cherished it for its sheer simplicity.

One night he had a dream of himself sleeping in his bedroom, which was now circular in shape and was missing its ceiling. From the shining moon above hung a curtain of subtle, silver radiance, which draped around his bed and shifted about ever so gently. Near the foot of the bed, a miniature version of the oak tree grew out of the mattress. Its branches extended and curled about, exploring the space around it thirstily. Finally, one of the branches penetrated through the moon's curtain and out the other side. He woke up with a start.

What must have been months later, he started to discern tiny dots of light in his vision. Was this his inner eye finally gaining the prominence to replace his lost eyesight? No, his vision was definitely returning and it became clearer over time. He was soon to realize that these dots were the stars in the sky, only they were unusually bright as if he were standing on top of a high mountain on a clear day.

Not all things became visible, however. He could see the vague blueness of the sea, but not the water, the dark earth beneath the grass in his fenced yard; he could see the sun, but not the moon - how he longed for the moon - and the occasional clouds and fog provided a discernible fuzz against an absent sky.

His newly gained eyesight did not seem to add any practical advantage to his life. Or so it seemed...It did not take long before he realized he could see, albeit vaguely, the shifting tides of the sea in the evenings, by watching the dancing movement of the stars reflected upon the surface of the invisible water softly crashing upon the shore.

Somewhat revelatory was the realization that this was the only visible source of regular movement available to him. Every evening, when the sky was clear enough, he would sit out before the sea and watch the invisible tides. He danced inwardly to their movement and, over time, he externalized the dance to the subtle and slow shifting of his own body. At times, a single "step" took hours to perform - in no apparent way did his movement seem synchronized with that of the sea of stars - other maneuvers were more swift and direct in their expression.

One night, he found his dance to feel especially natural. He felt that his body carried no weight and that it had taken on a life of its own. As he was losing himself more and more to the swaying movement he suddenly realized that his feet no longer touched the ground. He could discern the outline of the water's blue receding and now watched the vague shore from a bird's eye view. The glittering stars remained by his side, however.

Wednesday, July 16, 2008

Transformative Music - Earning Serenity

As I've written in the past, any analysis of music from a psychological perspective should be taken with a grain of salt, at least in my opinion. When I do write about music, it is ultimately to communicate psychological insights, more than to illuminate new perspectives on music. I never compose music while thinking about the psychological processes at work, and yet my songs and their arrangements naturally end up portraying inherent patterns of psychological movement from which one can attain insight into the way consciousness moves over time.

Much of my music naturally progresses towards a place of meditative peace and simplicity, the Abstract, but such a domain must be earned. It is a destination that is difficult to reach. I am not speaking of one's usual state of calm and contentment, but that deeper state of serenity that can be attributed to higher states of mind.

Music works on consciousness through psychological resonance. If one does not jive with the music, one is effectively refusing to actualize the potential journey which the music offers.

There are two factors that determine resonance. The first can be called "psychological proximity". It is easier to attain a state of bliss if one is already in a state of joy, as opposed to in a state of anger or frustration. Similarly, if one hears music that is playful and light while one feels heavy and morose, the music is less likely to resonate with the listener.

The second factor can be called "inventory of experience". If one is currently in a state that is heavy and morose but is usually playful and lighthearted, then light and playful music is more likely to quickly snap one out of the heavy mood. This is an over simplification, of course. Typically, my songs try to evoke moods that are very unique in character and therefore most people do not find an entry point with which they can identify.

With respect to attaining a deep sense of serenity, if one has just gotten off from work, for example, after a hectic day dealing with aggressive clients and upper management, then soft, simple, abstract music is typically not going to resonate with the listener; in some ways the sense of calm that could be attained can be termed hypocritical, or repressive of the underlying tension that has not been resolved or shaken out from its roots. There must first be an entry point that makes the listener jive with the music and from there one is led to gradually travel towards the realm of inner peace, by going through the rounds that unfold or unweave the knots which have developed.

Even if one doesn't live a busy and fast-paced life, one's conscious mind typically does its best to clutter itself with all kinds of thoughts, desires, and concerns. That's what meditation is for, to empty oneself out, but the proper music can work as a natural aid.

The path of psychological travel from point A to point B is rarely, if ever, a straight line. The path to a meditative serenity can be especially complicated. One typically experiences much oscillation through various moods and perspectives before a higher, more restful state of mind is reached, and to trace the path one took involves awareness of at times highly subtle internal processes at work.

"Equinox" is a collection of my songs that serves as a sonic essay or a musical portrayal of the wide array of psychological movement one experiences before being released into a sea of calm. The progression towards the inevitable serenity is a natural one, which cannot be explained in words but should be experienced directly through the music.

Click here to listen to "Equinox".

If the reader would rather just sample "Equinox" to get a feel of what I'm talking about, the following song represents the turning point between the turbulence and the calm. It is a rather extreme example of what I've been talking about, because it begins in a rather aggressive and dark manner. But, this only serves to illuminate one out of many natural psychological progressions from a state of turmoil to a state of inner peace. It can be argued that perhaps the greatest purpose of music is to sublimate the lower states of mind into higher ones.

Another aspect of reaching a calm, meditative state through music is that the entry point used, that with which the listener can resonate, should nevertheless invite the intellect to a quietude. The intellect is typically, and naturally, on overdrive. Music that is catchy serves to keep the intellect going. A meditative calm is thus difficult to attain.

While "The Reversal" begins busy and interesting, and emotional, it is deliberately un-catchy and thus the initial busy-ness does not "bind" the listener's intellect. Secondly, the complicated sound textures that directly precede the period of calm can serve to massage one's intellect to a quietude by being overly complex to follow consciously, just as water trickling through a stream in "hyper-"stereo is also calming to the nerves because there are so many drops of water emerging from many places all at once.

In Equinox, "The Reversal" then leads to songs that are more abstract in nature, having finally arrived at a place of serenity.

Sunday, July 6, 2008

Precision and Ambiguity - Excerpt from "Tales of Crimson and the Child of Thea"

Crimson stole through the streets before the break of dawn. He climbed the staircase of an abandoned building to the roof on the 21st floor. There, he perched himself cross-legged on the edge and peered out onto the city.

He watched the day break into light, watched the sun slowly float above and beyond and into the Great Sea of the West, that strange mystery to which he knew he would one day belong.

As the night settled upon the city, he gazed at its shimmering lights in the distance. A breeze lapped upon his face from time to time. He closed his eyes and waited for the breeze to hit his face at the specific angle of 39 degrees from top left. When it finally did, he uttered the following words into the nighttime: "I represent the dissonance of a solar wind."

Sparks flew in a power plant nearby and ignited a fire that resulted in an electricity outage throughout various contours of the city. Crimson wandered through the darkened streets and withdrew into the shadow of an alley. He stood motionless against the wall, having first measured exactly 42 feet from the main street.

The Child of Thea had a dream in which a winged statue emerged out of the soil of a mathematician's backyard, despite having planted an acorn seed.

Crimson emerged out of the darkness floating two feet above the ground. His velocity quickened as he transformed into a cocoon of light. Almost instantly, he was reduced in size to a tiny incandescent iota that shot through the wilderness of the urban jungle.

Sunday, June 22, 2008

Drawings from the Old Notebooks







Snippets from the Old Notebooks


Browsing through my old notebooks, I gathered together the following snippets:

And what if we were to shine our thoughts through a prism?

He would spend an entire afternoon trying to achieve a body posture that precisely reflected the thought patterns flitting through his mind.

Time was defeated, drained out some hole in the sky, where alternatively the void of space was allowed to seep in.

The broadening of the innerscape

The open sky left the earth unprotected.

That vague, endless imperceptibility.

He maintained an interstellar proclivity.

His insides shifted harmoniously with the slowly rotating superstorms of Jupiter. He peered at his earthly surroundings like a secret agent of the galaxy, his purpose long forgotten.

Dissolution Harmonics

And the child opens its arms to embrace the world, expecting the world to embrace it back.

I have destroyed the ground beneath my feet in order to discipline myself to learn how to fly. [Speaking of the Hurricane Period.]

Androgynous associations

Space-man Acrobat

Now squint at life as at a blaring sun!

I am strength, and I am weakness, simultaneously.

[Post-Hurricane Period:]There is nowhere to turn but backwards towards infancy, despite my continuous longing to march forward. When I finally let go, I feel innocent bliss. I look up to everyone with love and happiness, as if each stranger would offer me a piece of candy. At times, the joy makes it hard to breathe and I sigh an infant's ecstasy. But, where are my parents? The playground is still filled with monsters. The embrace, which every child needs so much, comes from the flicker of a candle's flame, from a ray of sunshine, or the water lapping in the bathtub. And with every embrace, I am pulled back still further towards infancy. It feels as if, in this manner, I can ultimately negate my birth.

It will take me a year perhaps to understand my new personality.

As a rule, there are no bones,
for bones are too rigid.
As a rule, there is no flesh,
for flesh is containment.
As a rule, there are no lies,
for lies cannot span
the stretch of infinity.

Lit candle after candle after candle to proliferate an abundance of light and shadow in the room, the radiant dance of multiplicity.

Beauty coiled about itself and produced Harmony

To find the mark of divinity in a simple act of understanding.

I like to set a limit to the number of buckets of blood I shed for the sake of art.

One must endure pain without suffering.

What is it about Time which holds Wisdom back till it feeds it ripe?

Alternating between the Lion's Roar, a sweet child, fear, and a softly crumbling death by sadness.

A cloudless sky, a looming void over the inhabitants of the city. The rhythms of nature only expressed themselves in soft gusts of invisible wind, derelict air gasping for permanence.

I am drinking in a bar. It is the vessel of a ship which is sinking. It does not matter that the exit leads right out into the street. We are submerged, and we are sinking with ever increasing speed. Tomorrow, when I awake, I will have lost yet another self to the water's depths.

"Do your figures lose body?"
"No," I said. But, he did not seem to react to the answer, upon noticing that he had become a little transparent. In sensing his embarrassment, I averted my eyes.

The ocean tells me I am a lie.

The need to huddle up in a narrow alley, a fissure in the mind.

Time became resonant.

I have kept over two hundred diaries, all in parallel, with zero entries each.

Woke up dancing to the waltz of a dream.

I am a weak yet monstrous creature who sits cuddled about itself in the farthest proximity of a corner, hoping that the walls would let in a little further. And if I were to use my sharp claws to defend myself, I would only resolve, in mid-swing, to puncture my own flesh, and moreover to reopen the freshest wound.

"I do not understand." If only the night air would accept these words and absorb them. Instead, they bounce back lifeless and empty.

At times, a feeling of great sadness overtakes me right before it begins to rain. It is similar to the enormous psychological pressures I sometimes experience just before the break of dawn. The sensitivity of the artist lends no mercy.

It is difficult to live wisely because wisdom tells you that Truth is bound to movement.

Wisdom has found me superfluous and thus fled.

When even a plain white wall has character, looks at you, smiles at you, then you know life has a lot to offer.

Saturday, June 14, 2008

So Spoke the Eye - A Collection of Photographs and Artwork

The picture above has always been especially enigmatic to me. I took the picture without paying too much attention during one of my nocturnal wanderings through the city. I am not sure if the furry figure was indeed a dog or just some furry, inanimate object. The ambiguity creates an internal oscillation between two vastly contrasting interpretations of the image, one of a dog, with all the meaning and life that a dog represents, and the other a non-descript object of abstract form.

Thursday, June 12, 2008

The Prelude to a Coincidentia Oppositorum - A Mandatory Scribble

I felt somehow obliged to publish a post of the notes below that I jotted down last night. Their relationship to the previous post, in the way one references the other but as if from a different dimension, is not dis-similar to the relationship between a dream and an associated waking experience, although both posts have dream-like qualities. Is the relationship to the previous post truly meaningful and harbors the potential for knowledge, or am I seeing too much into it? Well, this sounds like the dilemma one typically experiences when interpreting a dream, and how we feel more and more out of touch with a dream the further we psychologically travel back into our waking lives...

Out with a friend.

"Ah yes, Kafka. A great beginning."

The remark withdrew into a crack in the wall.

(And so the fire subsided.)

Monday, June 9, 2008

The Withdrawal

A child sat before a pond.

The mountain - its dark, barren rock painted white by snow in patches, its massive bulk majestic against the backdrop of a deep, deep clear sky blue - could not be seen except as a reflection in the pond.

The child gazed fixedly at the mountain, and without removing its gaze, slowly stood up, walked toward the pond, and in one swift motion dove in, back first, having twisted gracefully in the air.

The world now inside out, the child suddenly found itself standing upright and straight, on the other side of the interface.

Its body elongated with a ripple, its head towered above the mountain, the neck swayed back and forth, the legs like tall trees danced slowly in the wind. It peered down far, far below at its feet, which were still immersed in the water of the pond at the toes.

Slowly the child retreated; it withdrew further and further away from the pond and as the final drops of water dripped off its skin, its entire body grew more and more gigantic. The mountain was now like a tiny crevice in the ground.

The child took one step forward and plummeted outward from the earth, growing till it became everything and thus altogether disappeared.

Saturday, June 7, 2008

The Writer's Sketchbook - April - June '08

Just as a painter's sketches are at times especially appealing due to their playful spontaneity, so can a writer's marginal notes possess a raw vitality that beckons exploration. The following collection of disparate notes are the byproduct of writing a number of essays and short stories over the last few months. While most of these snippets are simply islands of thought that could not find their place in my larger projects, some are the coming to a form of closure on difficult concepts through the soft precision of poetics. Others are like tiny portals to new avenues of thought that will most likely materialize over the next few weeks, months, or even years.

Her features were thrown asunder. Her smile propagated, began to revolve around the room.

Within the circumstance, there is only enlightenment. But, we are always standing on the outside peering in.

To mimic life is to bestill it.

Find the question to this answer:
"Because your body cannot speak this form of wind."


I sit at the interface between two worlds. Pondering the reflections.

I ponder the thought of pondering only to find the thought in the shadow of itself.

The thought in the shadow of itself.
The thought in the shadow of itself.

Reflections like a tide.

I live within a tiny speck on the magnifying glass.

Earth Diminutive

Always, always, always, there is the melancholy before the birth.

The deep blue of dusk permeates the house.

And I have withdrawn into a vague siren that threads through the night.

The Distribution of a Progression

Always to return to the bookstore, to leaf through the books, only to find nothing, to feel the rising sense of despair, to begin searching frantically, and then finally to let go and give up, for it is my own book that I seek.

A dream can indeed be interpreted, but the heart of its mystery can never be plumbed. So is the case with a synchronicity.

An enigma opens a gateway, presents a passageway which ever deepens till depth loses meaning.

And were my wings to be clipped would I not simply fall upwards?

The logician says:
For the sake of happiness - for is happiness not important? - let Truth come more slowly so that one is not devoured by it.

The artist says:
The magician speaks with the speed of lightning. It is like the worshiping of the winds.

Enigma is a cloak of protection.

Enigma is the artist's avenue towards mysticism. The artist who crafts an enigma potentiates a mystical experience in his work, to be actualized by an audience through psychological resonance and abandoning the self to an uncritical appreciation of the work.

I am now imperceptible.

The spiral is a booming trumpet.

Perhaps. Perhaps, the intellect would be adequate were it omni-articulate.

An alternative introduction to Kafka, Enigma, and Mysticism:
This post is at once an essay and a homage to Kafka. Similar to how his two most prominent novels The Trial and The Castle were left unfinished when he died, this work is also presented in its incomplete form, not out of a desire to emulate Kafka but because I arrived at the inevitable conclusion that any analysis of his work cannot, and is even obliged not to be, complete. Otherwise, the reader is falsely lead to a sense of closure about his writing. Thus, the more fragmented and even self-contradictory my writing is presented, the more I remain true to my admiration of his writing. Indeed, just as the greatest responses to Zen koans have been equally enigmatic and defiant of reason, I believe there is no way to truly talk about Kafka than in responding to his fiction with more fiction. "Logic Dies, I am Sorry" is a short story I wrote while struggling with this post. It is perhaps my real essay.

For, to stumble upon myself in the darkness...there is nothing more frightening.

I would expect my fiction to be taken seriously, although there can be found no answers therein, and my essays and their "answers" to be taken with a grain of salt, if not immediately mutilated in order to see if they withstand the test.

And then the nighttime lay dusk on its shoulder.

The shadow playing on the wall is your great-grandfather pleading to come to your aid!

How I would have loved to declare the following to my boss:
"To me, what I worry about are the archetypal patterns at play in this endeavour."

An often overlooked, yet significant, aspect of spiritual advancement is the reaching towards a finer granularity of one's insights.

One can view the positive path (of unconditional love and acceptance) from a purely mechanical perspective. You may have every excuse in the world to be pissed off at someone. But, it doesn't matter. The negativity will still weigh you down. "The sin is forgiven before it is committed", such an attitude is inevitable.

Tidbits of thought, merrily blows the night air.
Marginal to be sure, almost parenthetical, yet varied in scope, like the outstretched arms of Atlas.

In enigma craftsmanship, the avenue to infinity must be setup and protected. There should be no dead end closure to any idea.

Always utilize life in its entirety!

I appreciate everything.

...And so the tears may suffice. So the tears may suffice...